I feel totally unlovable as a woman ever since my boyfriend left me for a male dancer in the company. I truly believed he was in love with me when we moved in together. How can I get over my gut-wrenching grief, let alone dance with him?

—Anonymous

A serious boyfriend who suddenly comes out unleashes an avalanche of questions about your relationship, making you wonder if it was all fake. Understandably, this also complicates your emotions as his dance partner. But your ability to be loved has nothing to do with your boyfriend's desire for liberation after living a closeted life. Sexual preference is inborn and may emerge when a person admits that they're bisexual or gay after a long period of confusion, fear and inner turmoil. It's not a personal choice; it's who they really are.

Obviously, it would have saved you considerable pain if you'd known this beforehand. He may have wanted to be with you due to love, a misguided attempt to rid himself of his yearnings or both. Human sexuality is complicated, and love does not always equal sexual attraction. Right now, surround yourself with caring friends while you slowly adjust to this change. If you need a safe place to tell your story and discuss your experiences of grief, isolation, anger and betrayal, check out the Straight Spouse Network. While it will take time for you to feel more comfortable dancing with him, you may eventually develop compassion for your partner's own painful journey.


Send your questions to Dr. Linda Hamilton at advicefordancers@dancemedia.com.

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